Many of us spend more time with our colleagues at work than we do with are own family and friends. If your colleague or employee is experiencing domestic abuse at home you are more than likely going to spot the red flags at work.
Cathy Press has been working as working as a psychotherapist and clinical supervisor for over 25 years, specialising in domestic and sexual violence and abuse related issues with children, young people and adults. Here, Cathy explains how you can support an employee who is experiencing domestic abuse at home.
Awareness of what domestic abuse is
Many victims of domestic violence and abuse do not identify as victims. They can be unaware of what kinds of behaviour constitute abuse and when asked what their partner does to them, they might answer with ‘they make me feel stupid, scare me, threaten me or hurt my feelings’. These are impacts and effects of abuse rather than a description of the behaviours themselves.
How to recognise the signs of someone experiencing domestic abuse
There are a huge range of signs and symptoms that employers and colleagues should be aware of and needs to be considered before any disciplinary procedures. The context of the victim/employee’s situation is incredibly important.
Signs might include frequent absence or late arrival to work, taking longer periods of sick leave due to stress related conditions. Changes in behaviour, being secretive, anxiety, acting jumpy or being on edge. Their mood might be flat or they are withdrawn, or they might behave out of character, have unexplained injuries, or avoid staff social events.
Work may be the only place in which they feel safe and where they are treated equally as an adult and a person in their own right. Therefore, the response from the workplace could be the one determining factor in supporting them to make a safe disclosure and work towards making a safe exit from their abusive relationship.
Responding effectively to disclosure
It is so important to give the appropriate response when someone makes a disclosure about abuse. It can take an average of 50 separate incidents of domestic abuse before a victim tells another person or seeks help. If the response they get minimises or tries to justify their experience in any way, it is likely they will continue in their situation believing there is something wrong with them, they are over-reacting and shouldn’t make a fuss, or that they deserve it and are to blame for the way they are treated.
How to respond to someone who shares they are being abused
- Take disclosure seriously – believe the employee
- Re-enforce abuse is not their fault – it’s unacceptable
- Victim cannot change their abusive partner’s behavior
- Reassure them – they are not the only one
- There is life after domestic violence, and you can offer them support
- Domestic violence rarely happens only once, it will escalate in frequency and severity
- Break the silence and talk about what is happening – don’t remain isolated
- Confidentiality and its limits
Keep a Record
Living with domestic violence and abuse is a very confusing experience for victims. It iseasy for the victim to be solely focussed on the most recent incident rather than the whole chronology of incidents experienced. From the point of disclosure record any data given by them, with description, dates and times. This may be really helpful in supporting them with reporting to the police, specialist domestic abuse services or legal processes.
Have a Domestic Abuse Policy in place
All companies should have a Domestic Abuse Policy. Speak to HR to ascertain if there is one and if not you can adapt them by using the policy templates from Unison (unison.org.uk) or SafeLives (safelives.org.uk ).
Such policies should:
- Spell out the signs of domestic abuse, roles and responsibilities of those who will respond to the victim/employee
- Ensure that identified staff members receive education and training and become the DA Champions among your staff team
- Clarify what the employer can practically offer in terms of financial assistance, paying salaries into separate accounts, additional financial assistance, flexibility to access counselling or other health-related services, signposting to specialist services, access to time and space within work to make calls and other arrangements as well as paid leave, flexibility and time out of work
- Ensure safety in and around the place of work, such as informing security, providing safe parking spaces, accompanying to buses or trains, and ensure that information about the employee’s whereabouts is not accessible (for example, listing members of staff on websites), changing phone number, moving staff member to a non-public facing role
- Be clear about their protocol and approach to perpetrators or employees showing abusive behaviours
Many victims will go on to live happier, brighter lives after leaving abusive relationships. The role the employer and colleagues can play in supporting this process is vital because it is almost impossible to leave an abusive relationship without support. You can support their decisions, empower them to believe in themselves and instil a sense of hope.
