Domestic abuse is defined by any incident or pattern of incidents of controlling, coercive or threatening behaviour, violence or abuse, between those aged 16 or over who are or have been intimate partners or family members, regardless of gender or sexuality. It is the abuse of power and control over one person by another and can take many different forms, including physical, sexual, emotional, verbal and financial abuse.
Domestic abuse will affect 1 in 4 women and 1 in 6 men in their lifetime and leads to, on average, two women being murdered each week and 30 men per year. It accounts for 16% of all violent crimes (Source: Crime in England and Wales 04/05 report). Meaning in the workplace, there is a high chance a teammate or colleague will be suffering at the hands of an abuser and experiencing domestic abuse.
There are several signs to look out for when looking for domestic abuse in the workplace. Has your colleague suddenly got unexplained injuries and wearing long sleeves and baggier clothes? Is there a noticeable reduction in efficiency and productivity and they are arriving late or even having more absences and when they are at work, a marked change in their usual behaviour? These can be challenging to spot and if any go these become apparent, the first thing to recognise is to be kind and compassionate with zero judgement. Those in abusive relationships usually know they are abused and will be feeling a huge amount of shame. Likely feeling weak and stupid for staying but not knowing how to safely escape. Plus, safety is the number one priority as more murders happen in the first 7 days of someone leaving a domestically abusive relationship than at any other time.
Staying in the relationship often feels safer to the survivors of domestic abuse because breadcrumbs of love actually feel safer to their nervous system than having none. This is why it is so important to view domestic abuse through a trauma-informed lens.
Here are 4 top tips to support your colleague and teammate if you suspect they are the victim of domestic abuse:
- Don't rush them to explain every detail and do not seek proof from them. Believe them with no judgement and even if they say that everything is fine, don't push them. Just knowing the support is there when they need it is still vitally important, so they do not feel alone.
- Prioritise their safety over work efficiency. Challenging them on their productivity can actually inflame their situation as they may then start to stay at home in their dangerous environment. This is because they feel unsupported at work, and this is playing directly into the abuser's hands
- Ensure that time and space in a private setting is available, where they can feel safe to share what is happening and not in the busy office environment where they may feel judged and will likely shut down and not share anything.
- As safety is their number one priority, ensure that you are armed with numbers and local support centres that you can give them so they can continue to get expert support and feel safe in any choices and decisions that need to be made with the correct facts and information.
- Reassure your colleague if they have been a victim of domestic abuse that it is not their fault, as they may have been told for many years that it is.
It’s important that domestic abuse is recognised as a problem in the workplace. It needs to be responded to appropriately with disclosure, ensuring teammates are supported and offered the appropriate help. For survivors of domestic abuse, just being in an environment where they feel heard and believed can be the first stepping stone to helping them move on from the abuse they may be enduring, as they feel that they are no longer alone.
