Very few of us go out of our way to be a conversation hijacker. To be rude and selfish communicators who dominate discussions and minimise other people’s contributions. But the truth is, we’re all capable of accidentally being this person. Especially in the workplace.
When we’re passionate about a topic or project, we often can’t wait to gush about it. We have a brilliant idea to push our organisation forward and need to get it off our chests ASAP. Even if this in turn leaves someone else feeling unheard.
Across all professional interactions, we want to create a safe space for others to communicate their thoughts. Hijacking conversations achieves the opposite. But today, we want to explore if it’s always a bad idea. Are there instances where temporarily taking over a conversation can actually be a good thing?
Leaving interruptions unchecked…
Now, before we get into it, we want to make something clear. There definitely are instances where it’s bad. There’s some nuance to it, but this is generally how it shouldn’t go.
If certain team members are constantly hijacking conversations, others are going to lose interest and stop engaging altogether. They’ll assume their input doesn’t matter, so why bother trying at all? And resentment will build over time. They’ll become disengaged, unmotivated, and frustrated. We see this a lot with team leaders who have a tendency to dominate conversations with their staff - taking a ‘my way or the highway’ mentality.
When it comes to your customer service, talking over people will leave you with queries that are never resolved, as you fail to ever get to the root of the issue. Customers will leave a call or email exchange even more frustrated than they were, all because they weren’t feeling heard or respected in the moment.
Interruptions happen because we don’t show up to exchanges with enough self-awareness. So, to combat it, we need to be more mindful about who’s in front of us and what their needs are.
If you want to hear everyone’s opinion on an upcoming project, make sure you give each person equal, uninterrupted time to say their piece. Begin customer service enquiries by giving the floor to customers to tell you the full story. Learn to bite your tongue in the moment, and allow people to finish their thought. You can always jot down notes of your brilliant ideas so you have them to circle back to when there’s a natural pause in the conversation.
What about sharing personal stories?
Now we’re going to complicate matters. There are cases where pausing a conversation to add your perspective isn’t a bad thing. For example, by using personal stories to relate what someone else is saying back to yourself.
Let’s say a colleague is venting their frustration about a particularly testing manager. With everyone always trying to appear professional and not rock the boat, it’s all too easy for someone to feel as if they’re the only one struggling. So you might want to jump in and share your own experience with this manager as a way to let the other person know they’re not alone. That they aren’t wrong for feeling the way they do.
Sharing your story can be brilliant for empathising with others and getting on the same page. And what better place for this to happen than in the workplace? It can help deepen your relationship with colleagues and set a better foundation for collaboration in your teams.
As a woman with ADHD, I’m a proud, self-confessed story sharer in conversations. It’s a good way for me to confirm my understanding of what someone else is saying. It also helps me take something abstract and make it easier to relate to. But - and it’s a big but - it’s important you’re sharing your personal stories in the right way. That is, you’re temporarily pausing the conversation to confirm understanding and show empathy, before swiftly handing the floor back over to the other person.
Bookending your interruptions
To avoid crossing over into hijacking territory, you want to make sure the original speaker gets to finish whatever it is they were sharing. And a good way to keep yourself in check is to bookend what you say. Have a clear start and finish, after which you hand back over to the other person to continue their chain of thought.
Before you launch into your story, you might say “I think I understand what you’re saying - something similar happened to me. Do you mind if I share it with you to make sure we’re on the same page?” Then, when you’re done, finish with “That made me feel [x] - is that how you felt as well?”
By bookending, you make sure you’re not running away with the conversation, while also getting any additional information or context you need. It shows you’re being respectful of the other person’s time and holding space for them to continue sharing their experiences once you’re done.
We all know how frustrating it is to be interrupted. To feel like the person in front of us couldn’t care less about what we have to say. But communication is a nuanced, multilayered beast. And interrupting isn’t always a conversational red flag. Pausing a conversation to share a personal story can actually help you become an even better participant in an exchange. Just as long as you’re approaching it in the right way.
If you’re struggling with communication challenges yourself, or want to ensure a more seamless, productive team dynamic, The Four Pillars offers personalised coaching to ensure you and your staff are always putting your best foot forward.
