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5 Tips For Building Resilience In Adversity By Ria Kalsi, CEO Matriarch Ltd

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Reaching a limit at the restrictions of others is an inevitable experience in adversity. Whether that adversity comes from identity, background or experience, potential exhaustion and frustration tend to be on the horizon. It can be due to a range of reasons, including a lack of change, prejudice from other people or the emotional labour of sharing their own experience.  Resilience feels like the ultimate LinkedIn buzzword. Standing with courage and continuation in the face of difficulty is integral to carrying on, particularly when the adversity is directly tied to their identity. What then needs to be considered is how to strengthen that resilience to best serve them. Matriarch runs a roundtable for people of colour to discuss their experiences, providing them with a safe, confidential space to do so and a detailed toolkit of how to protect their mental health. Included are strategies to build resilience and protect their peace. Choose where to use their energy. Despite misconceptions, it’s not always their responsibility to fight every fire. They have every right to walk away from people and conversations that reinforce the adversity they experience and lead them to question their authenticity. When they have the choice of where to put their energy, they should prioritise themselves and their mental wellbeing. Considering their triggers It’s essential to know their triggers. It means people can set boundaries and walk away before something negatively impacts them. Urge them to consider if there are words, topics or events that negatively impact their mental health and trigger trauma. If these arise, encourage them to prioritise their peace and walk away. Observe media impact In the age of constant information overload, it often feels like there’s no opportunity to switch off. Especially when considering triggers, the media can be a vessel for this. They should consider what apps, social media pages, news sites or creators negatively impact them or reinforce adversity. Encourage them to take time off the internet or restrict certain content in their social media feeds to protect themselves. Finding self care practices & sources of joy In those moments of exhaustion when we need to garner resilience, taking care of our mental and physical health is essential to carry on. It’s key to consider what tools, people and practices can be leant on in tough moments and provide care. Are these long or short term practices? It might be anything from speaking to a therapist to surrounding yourself with people that cultivate a safe atmosphere. It’s also worth considering if they can lean into any cultural practices that make them feel joyful, safe and comforted. Boundary setting Being able to set a boundary is a difficult practice many people struggle to do. Often there’s a fear that doing this will add fuel to the adversity fire and that people might be painted as ‘angry’ or ‘touchy’. Everyone has a right to set boundaries, say no and walk away from things that cause adversity. Firstly, encourage them to identify their boundaries with questions like: What am I okay with sharing? Am I engaging out of obligation or genuine want? Who am I comfortable sharing this with? Secondly, when communicating boundaries, remind them that: 
  1. Boundaries don’t have to be apologised for
  2. They are not responsible for other people's feelings
  3. They can be respectful without sugar coating their boundaries
  4. They don’t need to be explained if they don’t want to
Finally, some helpful phrases to help communicate boundaries are:
  • 'Thank you, but I don't feel comfortable with...'
  • 'No, thank you.'
  • 'I feel ____ when you talk about ___. Can we discus how to better this? If not, I will take a step back.'
  • 'I felt that this crossed a boundary so I am going to step away for now.'
  • That's not something I want to talk about but I am happy to discuss _____.'
  Building resilience is a constant work in progress. It takes time and experience to learn what works best for each individual based on their preferences, but these 5 strategies will lead them in good stead to protect their wellbeing.

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